Captain Ferguson was a commissioned officer cordial to us enlisted men. He was by any reasonable measure an uncommon officer. The story was that he had been enlisted then commissioned and seemed to consider himself still an enlisted man. He talked and acted like an enlisted man when no other officers were around and took on the pompous "officer" attitude with officers around. It was rumored Captain Ferguson had been a Major but was demoted to captain for punching out a colonel who was getting too friendly with his wife at some Army function. In reality, however, officers back then did not get demoted. They were just denied promotion and forced out of service – at least this was the case during the Vietnam era.
There was a short major with an unruly reddish mustache who always carried his beer mug every time he headed for the officers club. Major Farley was not at all liked by the enlisted or by the officers on the team. Major Farley just HAD to be in charge and totally dominated whatever discussion or activity he was involved in.
He would not ever drink beer out of the bottle or can like every other normal person. While drinking at the team’s Club, the major once left the table headed for the latrine leaving his beer mug unattended and a target for CPT Ferguson. In full view of the other 5 or 6 officers seated at the table, CPT Ferguson grabbed the mug, opened his fly and dropped trout right into the major’s half-filled beer mug. When the major returned and found everyone laughing, he could never figure out the reason. A Lieutenant who told me the story ended it with “….and you would not believe that dumb SOB just started laughing right along with the rest of us." Supposedly, the major DEROS’d1 back to the world without ever knowing that he’d actually gotten a very personal taste of CPT Ferguson.
I had particular regard for Major Farley, though. Returning from a field visit to one of the battalion advisory teams, Major Farley was senior officer on our helicopter when it was shot down injuring a door gunner and a pilot in the crash landing. It was a hard landing partially tipping the chopper. Wasting no time, Major Farley grabbed a radio and called in to our Team’s Operations Center advising them of the downed helicopter and asking for medevac. He quickly directed the able-bodied into a defensive perimeter around the helicopter until the rescue helicopter arrived with a gunship flying cover. Major Farley and the uninjured door gunner helped the pilot exit the chopper and the other door gunner who sustained a broken leg. It must not have been more than ten minutes for the rescue helicopter to arrive. Major Farley was awarded the Bronze Star with “V” device for his actions. I was witness to our Senior Advisor informing the major that he had been recommended for the Bronze Star with the “V” device. Major Farley shot right back “Well, Colonel, I will not accept it. I didn’t do any more than anyone else would have done. In fact, we didn’t even see the enemy or fire our weapons.” Colonel Arntz informed the major, "Well, major, I am not asking you to accept it. It will be awarded. You will accept it. It will go into your records.” A few weeks later Major Farley reported to Colonel Arntz’ office and was awarded the Bronze Star with the “V” device."
Some weeks later I saw CPT Ferguson with a black eye and asked him if he’d run into a wall.
“No, Tony, that damn new colonel you just got as your Senior Advisor cold-cocked me. We had a welcome party for him and I had bought this five-star cap with ‘Boss’ embroidered on it. I handed it to him and the SOB just threw it back to me. I told him I’d ordered it from the States and it was his duty to wear the goddamn hat at least once so we could take a picture of him wearing it. He owed me that!”
“Colonel Sanger refused to wear the damn thing. Can you believe that and especially after all the trouble I had getting it for him? We had all had a few beers by that time, and I was really pissed at the way he just ignored my gift. So I stood up, grabbed the hat and forced it on his head telling him ‘Just wear the fucking thing already!’ Well, he stood up just as I was turning away and the sonnavabitch cold-cocked me. I grabbed him by his collar and proceded to hit him back but the other officers stopped me.”
"Seems you can do a lot of damage to this asshole," I said. "He can’t go around being stupid and especially here and with his rank and position as Senior Team Advisor."
"So are you going to press charges?" I asked.
“No, actually. And though that sonavabitch hasn't seen fit to offer an apology, I’m just going to take my licks and leave it be. But that sonnavabitch better be the nicest sonnavabitch to me for the rest of my tour and I’d best get one hell of a good performance report cause I’ve got that sonnavabitch by the balls now. And I have witnesses.”
I left the team before Captain Ferguson, and I kept asking him how he was getting along with his favorite colonel. His standard reply was “Now, Tony, you stop this shit or I’ll have you kicked off my team!” I knew that to be an idle threat. I had once asked him how I could get reassigned from Team 99. “Well, there are just two ways to leave Team 99,” he replied. “The preferred way is to just complete your fucking tour! The other option is to leave in a pine box. Which is your preference?”
Fortunately, I found a third way. I happened to run into a personnel clerk at the MACV Headquarters2 mess facility who agreed to cut orders for me to Advisory Team 51. All he wanted was two cases of beer. Captain Ferguson was perplexed. I had gotten reassigned without his knowledge!
1 - Date Eligible for Return from Overseas - The date you leave Vietnam.
2 - MACV headquarters was also called Pentagon East. It was a massive building from which all military operations in Vietnam were planned and coordinated.
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